The phrase “sleeping like a baby” can suck a big, fat pacifier. Babies don’t know about climate change, taxes, or mortality. They lack the neurological development required for bad memories or memories in general. They should be sleeping well; slumber is one of their only hobbies.
We can’t sleep like infants when we have bank accounts, vulnerable loved ones, and fully-formed brains. Kept in a heightened state, yet fatigued by information and compassion about how bad things are, we should be sleeping like soldiers. That is where the “military method” of sleep comes into play.
I’ve struggled with insomnia most of my life. I have also researched and tried the military method and can say that I was skeptical that a two-minute method natural sleep remedy could put me down when I’ve managed to stay up all night on Ambien like a defective horse. But after investing six weeks in trying it, I can say I’m a part of the 96 percent of people who have found the five-step process to be one of the more effective sleep aids. That said, the technique works best when I’m overtired.
That is the thing about the military method, which includes deep breathing, a body scan for relaxation, and repetition of the phrase “don’t think” — it’s not meant for ideal conditions. The military method is meant for sleep-deprived soldiers on constant alert, who, when they get a few hours of downtime, no matter what time of day or night it is, have to go the fuck to sleep. It is their job.
Army neuroscientist and sleep expert Maj. Allison Brager, Ph.D., explained to me that this method is designed to help exhausted individuals reduce their “sleep debt” and the consequences of extreme sleep deprivation. If this sounds like you, then stop swaddling yourself to bed and try something grittier.
Doom vs. Duty: The Lo-Fi Life That Living Created Life-Saving Tech
Bolstered by Santa Ana winds, two fires burning simultaneously on the east and west edges of Los Angeles – the Palisades fire and the Eaton fire have become two of the most destructive fires in US history. With a current death toll of 25, it’s difficult to imagine that this tragedy could have been worse. But it is just as hard to stomach that this may have been the case without Watch Duty, a non-profit mobile app tracking firefighting efforts 24/7 — especially when many Angelenos have expressed frustration with their local government, which has failed to offer comparable life-saving information.
The irony is not lost on us that as awful as doom-scrolling, social media and iPhones can be for our health, that without access to a smartphone, tablet, or computer and internet connection of some kind, more Californians could have lost their possessions, pets, and lives. Perhaps the bigger technological twist is that we wouldn’t have the Watch Duty App if it weren’t for a guy who opted to live off the grid.
Watch Duty CEO and co-founder John Clarke Mills lives a tech-free life in the woods of Sonoma County, something many of us fantasize about when we feel existentially malnourished by the empty calorie equivalent of dopamine we get from Instagram likes. What we don’t daydream about is the bureaucracy, red tape, and political bullshit (our words) Mills had to cut through when he started to investigate the wildfires in his community.
“I just realized that no one was going to fix this, no one was going to figure it out, and there’s lots of people like me who were trying to figure out what is going on,” Mills told The Hollywood Reporter. While it may not be the most crucial question as the fires in California continue to burn, we do wonder if Mills would have been able to solve such a significant problem if he were caught up in all the digital noise that distracts most of us in our day-to-day.
As much as we need smartphone apps, we also need people who can unplug, zoom out, and tackle more significant issues. At the same time, we need moderation. If Clarke was an entirely anti-tech genius, he’d be living in the woods and writing manifestos and, well, we’ve seen how that turns out.
But for the rest of us, unless you’re tracking actual doom on your phone for safety, stop doomscrolling. Even if you’re not saving lives like Clarke, being able to pull back from the grid and put your phone away without mortal fear is a privilege.
Ignorance Is Not Bliss, Los Angeles Is
The people are fake. There are no seasons. The traffic. From the outside, it often feels like Los Angeles is the nation’s favorite tourist detestation. It’s easy to have an idea of what L.A. is without ever visiting it. Our movies are made there. So are our most toxic reality shows. If you’ve never lived in L.A., and certainly if you’ve never been there, you don’t really know, though.
You don’t know the crispness of Coors Light on a hot summer night as the sun sets on Dodger Stadium – palm trees becoming shadows in the horizon.
You don’t know the joy of spotting Angelyne in her pink convertible next to you on the 101 – the way it always feels like a sign – one that will turn your luck around because you believe it does.
You don’t know what it’s like to smoke the best sativa of your life and then hike through ocean views and literal waterfalls. The shameless mentions of cleanses and tarot readings and Botox and astrology. The movie star sitting next to you at the movies. The Elvis impersonator at the Thai place with the best pineapple fried rice. The way you can be broke as fuck and still drive down the PCH, the Pacific Ocean to your left, bluffs and villas to your right, and feel like you own the whole damn thing. The way you can be rich as fuck and know which sidewalk at which nondescript intersection has tacos that are worth getting in your car at midnight for. You don’t know what it’s like to realize you’re having fish ‘n chips where they shot Casablanca. You don’t know how everyone has seven jobs and a weed addiction. You don’t know the wildly original and compassionate people who you wait tables with, do improv with, pay rent with.
If you did know, you would love LA the way its people do: deeply, shamelessly, and recklessly.
We love it.
Weed to Go Night-Night
Getting a sufficient amount of quality sleep has been clinically proven to offer a wide range of important health benefits. Snoozing sufficiently boosts your heart health and improves focus and mood. This is the good news. The bad news is that due to things like caffeine consumption, technology over-stimulation, and, well, the general state of the world, falling asleep can be hard. Luckily, as with so many of life’s problems, there’s a weed for that. Edibles with the cannabinoid CBN in them are particularly helpful for getting restful, easy sleep. Here are a few of our favorites.
◆ Let’s just say Heavy Hitters “Lights Out” are true to their name. 20 mg THC 20 mg CBN
🟦We’re a big fan of Wyld’s real-fruit taste. These Boysenberry Dream gummies go down easy and put you down even easier.
10mg THC 10 mg CBN
🟢The ubiquitously popular and many-flavored gummy brand Camino by Kiva says their midnight blueberry gummies are their top-selling product. That’s saying something.
5mg THC 5 mg CBN
Honorable Mention: Not weed, but taking a hot bath with a healthy scoop of Dr. Teal’s Melatonin and Lavender soak is pretty much the next best thing.
Forecast: A few (of the many) awesome shelters and rescues you can donate to LA’s homeless and at-risk pets: Pasadena Humane Society/Viva La Vida Rescue (tiny rescue near Altadena currently housing 18 animals)/Underdog Heroes has pulled dozens of LA shelter dogs at highest risk for euthanasia
